Amruta Patil and Kari: a short Q&A
A quick word about Amruta Patil’s dark, intense graphic novel Kari: it’s the story of an alienated young woman working in an ad agency in Mumbai while dealing with acute loneliness and the heartache of separation from her soulmate Ruth. (The book opens with a dreamlike scene where Kari and Ruth attempt suicide together. Both survive – or do they? – but while Ruth leaves Smog City for a place where “the palette was pure and bright”, Kari stays behind.) The drawings often reflect Kari’s tortured state of mind and restless imagination, and there’s some ambiguity in her version of events. In fact, it’s possible to wonder – as indeed another character in the book does at one point – if Ruth ever really existed.Patil has an MFA from the School of the Museum of Fine Art in Boston, and now lives in Delhi. I attended part of the Kari book launch/discussion a few days ago and then did a short Q&A with her.
Many graphic novels are writer-artist collaborations, but you wear both hats. As a child, were you more inclined towards drawing or writing?
There has always been a definite keel towards the written word. I like to draw, but my applied art training makes me see illustration from a versatile, do-what's-needed slant. My writing is more careful, more uncompromised.
When I was a child, my mother illustrated every story that she told me. It was a lot of fun. I remember sitting atop a full newsprint sheet on the terrace as we drew, so that the paper would not fly away! They were growing stories – I'd add to where she left off, in word as on paper. We took great pains to draw out the houses and hills and cats and people that formed our stories!
At the launch, you mentioned working as a museum security guard in Boston, and how it helped you observe people and pick subjects for your drawings. Can you elaborate on this experience?
It was the penury of being an art student in the US that led to the museum security guard experience. Besides, being around mummies and medieval Madonnas seemed like a more interesting job than waitressing or working in a photocopy place. The feeling was not just that of being invisible, but of being almost subhuman. It's amazing how hundred upon hundreds of human beings can pass you by without making eye contact. When they did make eye contact, it was to get directions to the restroom. It made for a great vantage point for eavesdropping and watching.
How did you first become interested in the graphic novel form? What are your favourite works in the medium?
Write, and draw – that's what I know how to do. Working in a medium that combined both the disciplines seemed like an obvious way to go. Some of the graphic novels I have enjoyed include - Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, Mother Come Home by Paul Hornschemeier, Tragical Comedy Or Comical Tragedy Of Mister Punch by Neil Gaiman & Dave McKean, Blankets by Craig Thompson, The Rabbi's Cat by Joann Sfar.
What’s the story behind Kari? You drew the first of these drawings in 1999. What was the progression from then till its publication in book form eight years later?Kari is a child of chance, she was never meant to be the great big debut book. The only thing that has remained consistent from 1999 to 2008 is the physical form of the character – none of the early illustrations form part of this work, nor does any early writing. It was too fragmented to be useful. As for planning storylines, writing and artwork go hand in hand. Just as the writing gets more refined, so too does the illustration. For example, the book I’m working on now, Parva/The Epic, is being planned in page upon page of small thumbnail sketches, rather like the storyboard of a film.
Your drawings show a range of styles. I liked the use of colour, and the ironical touches, such as the poster of Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (a film that stands for tradition values and societal approval) in the background when Kari and Ruth – lesbian lovers – first meet. Who are your artistic influences?
I was very keen to capture the grey, the claustrophobic busy-ness, the dreamscapes, and the subsequent release. One style seemed very inadequate. So, instead, Kari has experiments in ink, marker, charcoal and oilbar, crayon and found images. Some, admittedly, work better than others. My illustrative style in Parva/The Epic is very different from this. Visual influences are eclectic: Egon Schiele, Gustav Klimt, Frida Kahlo, Dave McKean. Then there are Mughal miniatures, Islamic decorative patterns, Japanese woodcuts.
Parva has been billed as a mytho-historical graphic novel. Tell us something more about it.
Parva/The Epic is the Mahabharata tale told from the viewpoint of three characters who intrigue me very much – Kunti, Draupadi, and Ashwatthama. My MFA thesis show consisted of 200 images from this body of work, and it's time to start working on it again. This project is going to take a lot, it is epic in both volume and in theme – full colour, and visual-led. I am excited about starting work on it.
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Incidentally, I’m also interested in Ashwatthama, who was the protagonist of Dharamvir Bharati’s wonderful play Andha Yug; the role was played by Naseeruddin Shah in Ebrahim Alkazi’s famous production. Parva sounds very promising. Here are a few drawings from it (and from Kari) on Patil’s website. And here’s her blog, Umbilical.
[A few earlier posts on graphic novels: Maus, Watchmen, Blankets, the Buddha series, Embroideries, Kashmir Pending]
on Friday, February 22nd, 2008, 5:05 pm in Art, Comics › 
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Very cool, ‘wock. She’s also got an interesting impromptu comic here.
Its strange how much of Indian literature is derived from that single epic. This is even more visible in regional languages, but is now seeping into Ind-english literature as well.
There’s also a feminist angle on this, like Chitra D’s retelling of Panchaali’s story in The Palace of Illusions.
Sakshi: yes, it’s a very rich source - there have been multiple imaginative retellings as well as more straightforward translations that emphasize the humanity and personal dilemmas of the characters (something one doesn’t always see to the same extent in the original). And, of course, versions told from the viewpoint of this or that character - the book Manish mentions is from Draupadi’s perspective, and there have been many others such in the past.
Thanks for the recommendation, Manish. Incidentally, Pratibha Ray, an Oriya writer, wrote Yajnaseni, also a retelling of Panchaali’s story. She scandalized my mom somewhat by portraying Panchaali as avidly lusting after Karna, and having a secret extramarital fling with Krishna. I believe its been translated into english (and hindi) , but I haven’t read it myself so don’t know how good it is.
Sakshi: the English translation of Yajnaseni is replete with grammatical errors and awkward turns of phrase, but it does get something of the story across. Draupadi doesn’t have an extramarital fling with Krishna in that book btw, though there is plenty of chemistry between them. As for the vibes between Karna and Draupadi: that’s been a subtext in many of the folk-renditions of the Mahabharata. It also makes a lot of sense if you subscribe to the view that Karna combined in himself the best qualities of all five Pandavas - being involved with him would have given Draupadi all the good stuff without having to be married to five men (including the nondescript Nakula and Sahadeva)! But speaking in more practical terms, given that Karna and Panchaali are the two proudest, most hot-headed characters in the epic, I’m not sure how well they would have got along as man and wife!
Incidentally, there’s also an interesting soft-porn version of Draupadi’s life, Samraj, written by the German author Elaine Aron. Includes a sex scene where all five brothers are making love to her at once, and lots of fruity metaphors involving ploughs and fields (Yudhisthira’s plough planting seeds in Draupadi’s furrow etc). I read it as a 12-year-old and enjoyed it very much, though I’m not sure how well it’ll hold up now.
Wow. Imagine the howls and violence if the saffron jihadis ever get hold of that.
That’s a problem with most translations to english from the regional languages: even when the grammar is okay, the language is stilted.
Samraj sounds like a lot of fun, btw. ;)
Thanks: I didn’t know that. I think there was some of that vibe in Shyam Benegal’s Kalyug as well.
Suzy: I don’t think the saffron brigade has been very active when it comes to these things, or maybe it’s just that some of it has escaped their notice. Ramesh Menon’s excellent translations of the Mahabharata and especially the Puranas (which I’ve blogged about here and here) contain a lot of the explicit sexual references that are in the original works (e.g. the Gods interrupting Shiva and Parvati’s marathon love-making, Shiva opening the door and inadvertently “spilling his seed”, which Agni leaps forward and takes in his mouth). But those works are widely available at all bookstores (and published and packaged very impressively by Rupa, a leading publishing house) and no one’s made a hue and cry about them as far as I know. And Kisara Mohan Ganguli’s exhaustive 12-volume translation of the Mahabharata (which you’ll find online here) isn’t at all sanitised.
Sakshi: yes, though Kalyug is a somewhat perplexing film - I like parts of it a lot, but as a modern-day take on the Mahabharat I thought it was half-baked. Maybe just too many characters to do them all justice.
Though I enjoyed the movie, I was not clear what Benegal’s intention was either. He does a good job of translating the entire story to the modern context, but does not bring anything new to the story.
Very interesting post and interesting thread of discussions..
Anyone knows other than the mythological part of mahabharatha or ramayana and the religious part of both..did Rama or pandavas really exist? any evidence? I always wanted to dig on it but never got a chance…may be when I retire..
If both are just literary works then reinterpreting or re working on the same story is ok.
but these are real and really godly..re interepreting it in a wrong way might hurt religious sentiments..
I asked my mom why Draupadi had five hubbys and isnt that wrong..she told me it is not literallythat and that all the five husbands capture five elements of life (air water fire earth and sky)..and a holier intepretation of their relationship..
but sometimes I want to know what is real..archeological findings, scientific evidence…
Prakruti: I think these “religious sentiments” you’re talking about, the ones that get so easily hurt, might benefit from being exposed to the original texts of the Puranas, which have gobs of explicit sex, violence, profanity and general rudeness - stuff that has very little to do with the squeaky-clean moralities of our own time. Unfortunately, many religious people in India seem to not only think that Rama and Krishna and the other Gods existed, but that they existed in exactly the forms they’ve been given in Amar Chitra Katha comics or in the TV serials that have toothpaste models playing the roles. Partly due to the effects of the conservative Victorian Era when we were under British rule and partly because of the revisionist agenda of the Hindutva brigade in recent decades, most people have highly sanitised versions of the ancient texts in their heads. It often becomes an exercise in denial - for instance, I never cease to be surprised by the many religious people who have no idea what the Shiv linga represents.
W.r.t. your question about Draupadi: it’s back to the old Jodha-Akbar argument. I don’t think it’s very useful beyond a point to impose the moralities and “values” of our own times on historical/mythological figures. Also, just a kindly tip: don’t go looking for archaeological findings and scientific evidence to prove the existence of God - you’ll be disappointed. If you want to believe in godly things, it has to be a faith-based thing.
Jabberwock u are partly right..not all puranas are totally religious. But there are a lot of sanskrit scriptures , vedas, upanishads, bhagavatgita have a lot of right philosophical and religious content in them.
I had the fortunate of learning sanskrit religious scriptures for 5-8 years when I was a kid thanks to my religious brahminic grandma who wanted us to learn scriptures before going to school everyday for an hour..At that age me and my sis found it very hard getting up early every morning to learn sanskrit scriptures from the masterji..He not only made us learn thousands of scriptures by heart but also taught us meaning of sanskrit verses to the point that me and my sis could speak sanskrit and understand sanskrit well. I was also kind of forced by my parents to participate in reciting verses of bhagavatgita for some competitions which now I realise was all good because I understood meaning of most verses in gita I learnt and gita, hitopadesam, some vedic and upanishad verses that I learnt had a lot of philosophy and religious good values embedded in them. They are useful not only from religious point of view but also for a nonreligious athiest.
Last few years I had been leading a life of minimalist with least expectations from near and dear, with no strong attachment to anything from my daily job at work to everything in life always reminding myself that it is karma or duty (gita preaches that) and do ur duties with no expectations…and following a lot of lil lil titbits from gita, hitopadesam and life has become so peaceful..In fact I had been advising a lot of my girlfriends with problems and they all find it very useful..
I think it is all about taking good from where we can..
For years religion has been distorted by fanatics and what todays TV serials or comics portray is not exactly the same as that of old times… All the morality defined in religious mythologies of old times doesnot apply today either..I agree to certain morals in ramayana but dont agree to sita jumping into fire to proove her chastity…same case with draupadi..there is good and bad in every religion..and then there is a difference between puranas,mythological stories etc., that are packaged along with original texts of religion..it is hard for a common man and specially todays men and women who have no time to figure out what is good and what is bad..
existance of God is a big big debate…that way evolution even today is a big debate…I definetely wont waste time on such debates…but to me it is fascinating to see how our ancestors came up with temple architecture or vedic math or ayurveda/ethnic traditional treatments to diseases…and ofcourse if rama or krishna really existed…archeology and history is fascinating..Thanks jabberwock, I will do all that when I get old, my retirement plans is to explore all this when I have nothing left to do and when Iam closer to leaving this universe Iam sure the scientist in me would want to know what is the next world for me..gods world or demons world or nothing at all..
Boston, reprezent!
not all puranas are totally religious
Prakruti: am curious about how you define “religious” here. Are you saying that works which contain a lot of sex and violence (much of which is not compatible with the social niceties of today) can’t be called religious, even though they deal with the lives of Gods and supernatural beings? Also, when it comes to “philosophical and religious content”, one can argue that even the Laws of Manu (which are extremely sexist, harsh on women and in fact downright obnoxious to the modern liberal mind) are deeply philosophical in structure and intention.
Basically, what I’m trying to say here is that this business of separating the good from the bad (or even defining what is “good” and “bad”) can be a very complicated business. It’s not so easy to simply sift out the things we admire in the ancient texts, because a lot of the good and bad stuff is interlinked. On a personal note, though, I’m glad that it’s worked for you (ref. your comment about life becoming more peaceful as a result of following the teachings in some scriptures).
on a completely separate note, i’ve a question for those who have seen/ read “kari”. did you find the drawing style similar in any way to “persepolis”?
That was my first thought, Jana. Delhipolis.
Jana: No, I didn’t think so. Some very superficial similarities maybe, but nothing notable. Patil probably uses a greater variety of drawings compared to Satrapi’s trademark woodcut-like illustrations (though I’m a fan of the two Persepolises and admire the complexity Satrapi achieves within her limited range of drawing). And of course Patil uses colour as well, and crayons, as she points out in the interview.
Jabberwock- To tell u the truth, I dont feel Iam competent enough to get into this debate. Reasons I didnot read all puranas or all religious scriptures. I only know as much as wikepedia knows about puranas.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puranas
I love debating but not without knowing all the facts. I read bits and pieces of hindu religous books which include vedas, upanishads, puranas, mythological stories, gita etc..,and I read long time back vivekanandas twenty books on hindu philosophy..I dont remember half of it as it has been 15 years since I read them.
All I know is that from evolution to medicine to vedic math to male/female interactions to philosophy to religious rhetoric poojas -our religious books have all that..but saying that they only have just the bad stuff is wrong. But since I didnot read all of them I dont know how much of it is good stuff and how much is bad..Every generation takes the part of religious books that they are interested in. Grandmas generation were deeply religious and philosophical and went into depth understanding all the religious scriptures..my grandma did that. my moms generation and aunts are more into the religious rhetoric poojas where I see them everyday reciting hundreds of slokas from vishnu puranam or lalitha sahasranamam..my generation is worse, I only listen to tapes of lalitha sahasranama or vishnu puranam or vedas or MSsubbalakshmi venketerswara suprabhatam..Iam sure my nephews generation only know religion offered in amarchitra kahanis..
so how much of the true religious puranas or books do I know to comment on this..none..
But this is a very good discussion, u brought back into me something good in these discussions jabber wock thank u, Iam planning to everyday make an effort to read a lil bit about puranas online and may be someday I will get back to debate with u..until then I think I better keep mum..
It is a good thing though, I wanted to retire early spend a lot of time in my later years reading on religion , philosophy, architectual evidences for everything etc., but may be I should start that early a lil bit everyday…
Iam just curious can u let me know the exact name of puranas where all this stuff u are talking about is.. Iam just curious..
one thing I do agree with u that I donot like all religious laws written for women..
I came close to marriage once and a day after engagement my would be mother in law came with this list of 15 silk sarees we need to give her, diamond and emerald chain, rolex watches and all the list of gold we need to give her..I asked her where does it say we need to give u this , are u asking for dowry..she said no no this is not dowry at all..it is all a part of tradition, at this step of marriage u have to give me a silk saree and diamonds, at this step just a silk saree..
I was shocked..I asked my mom, mom where are all these gifts for girls side family..how do poor people get married when they cannot give diamonds as written in the scriptures..
u know what I argued and cancelled my wedding because I didnot think all this was right..
I came close to marriage manytimes and everytime it is something or the other..clothes for all guys side uncles and families, gifts, list is different for everybody..the last one who came to marry me wanted airline tickets to be payed for his brother and his wife in US…I wanted to ask him is this also written in hindu wedding religious book..
so I agree with u laws are screwed up for women..so many restrictions..
sometimes that is why I think I just will go for a registered marriage..I dont know what rituals to truly believe in a traditional marriage system..
so I agree with u partly jabberwock and the rest we will debate someday when Iam well versed with all the religious books…thank u this discussion is inspiring me to read and learn more on my religion.. I owe that to u jabberwock..
oh..I forgot the big religious thing that offended me..
my dad was sick was 10 months and I slept in hospitals for 10 months nite and day taking care of him.. but when he passed away since my dad had only two daughters they said neither of us can lift his body and cannot light the pyre..my brother in law couldnot as he had a surviving parent then..They all talked about it as if having daughters is a sin…I felt offended, I told my mom since I took care of him all my life , was the eldest at home and was like a son to my parents, I will light the pyre..and no one agreed..Finally a distant cousin of mine lighted the pyre first and then I was allowed to light my dads pyre..and since I was his kid but a girlchild I had to do every ritual after my cousin brother..they had to have me do everything but not first just because I was a girl..so I was the only girl at the cemetry burning my dads body and no women was allowed there..it was sad..I had no one to hug me that moment after I set pyre to my dads body..just me sitting all alone in one wooden bench while the rest of my cousins and men sat somewhere far off..
u know all our lives we did everything for my parents but when it came to the end we were not allowed to be close to his body or do anything later as I was a girlchild…it was sad..
I liked Kalyug, and as someone who acquired sense in the post-1991era, for me it made a very compelling visual history lesson (which, of course, could not have been Benegal’s intention when he made the movie). The evocation of the License Raj, union politics, government-granted monopolies, the fiats and clunky imported gadgets that signified luxury, the prestige of association with anything ‘foreign’ - conveyed something of the constraints of pre-liberalization India. Just like a photo album that shows your parents at a time before you materialized - that’s what Kalyug was for me. Perhaps, it resonated with me so much because I saw it mid-adolescence.
And, boy, was I floored by Shashi Kapoor’s ‘I’m-a-man-who-has-seen-a-lot-of-this-world’ vibe. A slight departure from your typical Karna characterization that focuses on resentful ambition, simmering rage, and longing.
Prakruti, I’m willing to bet a fair amount that no scriptures demand diamonds as dowry but far more pertinently, let’s not forget that the rituals we refer to in religious scriptures are social documents that need to be negotiated. They were written out at one point of time as an effort to interpret a set of social codes. We need to debate them when they start becoming obsolete and for all its right wing babies, Hinduism is a religion that has encouraged debate among its sages. I’m sorry that you had to step back for your father but perhaps you will stand up to support another girl who wants to light her parent’s pyre. That’s really all it takes to see the beginning of a change.
Quite liked this graphic novel.
u are right still anon..I know for sure dowry was not written in scriptures but the whole social system in India believes in it and even indians in US believe it…I was getting married to a well educated doctor guy with superspecialisations who was brought up in US , educated in US for 30yrs and his parents lived in US last 30 years and are professors here..u would think that would change people but still they wanted diamonds,gifts…when something like dowry works good for guys side of families why would they give up even if they know it is wrong, even if they know it is not in scriptures..I was shocked when I heard they had so many demands and immediately broke my engagement…my entire family alienated me for almost 2 years for breaking my engagement though they knew I was right…
It made me realise how deep these social evils are and how hard it is to fight against the system..debating, negotiating doesnot help.. over years I met lot of guys who wanted to marry me but the form in which they wanted dowry differed..some wanted ac halls and houses, some wanted us to pay tickets for their brothers in US to come to US, some wanted gifts, jewellary or clothes..mind u all these guys are here in US for atleast 5-10 years and are all well educated..sorry our parents want it, sorry our brothers want it dont mind, we need to make our families happy too..those are the explanations I get..when I tell guys my dad passed away, my mom cannot do anything independently and that I have arrange my own marriage and cannot meet up to all their demands or cannot run around their families as Iam a working girl supporting my family , most of them still expect us to run around their families for every little thing that these days marriage lost all charm for me.. I just dont like Indian marriage system at all now a days…I dont know what rituals are right what are greedy rituals made up by guys side of families for their own monetary gains..
from my experience meeting many guys here in US, I realise these things like dowry have deep roots and its hard to fight them..doesnot matter how educated guys are there are still so many things they do which are wrong..all my girlfriends complain how guys their age in thirties marry and want girls in twenties while girls dont have that choice..the whole system is screwed up and unfortunately how much ever we fight we have no support either from our families or from guys families or even the guys our age who are educated but still dont understand our struggles and pains..
But I do fight and may be I will never be married but I will never compromise..because I dont want my kids to go through what I went through and I donot agree with a philosophy that a well educated independent girl like me should sell myself to get married..All my life I always fought battles fighting for my rights as a girlchild…I did finally get to burn my dads body.,.do all rituals..but it was a big long fight..
It is funny we girls with no brothers earn, help our families and are like boys for our families yet the world and our own families expect us to be still demure girls selling outselves giving dowry and lead restricted lives… we dont even get credit for our professional achievements..cant even understand why guy with similar education like me earning equal money still demands dowry while I cannot demand dowry on top of it I have to give dowry to one such a guy and get married..we have to be boys doing our responsibilities earning money yet have to be demure girls giving dowry and serving the guys families whims.. a hard balancing act..
..it is sometimes amazing how we girls survived coming from small villages in India with restrictions all along our lives..
yap..Iam always the first one in everything in my family..first girl to come to US by herself, first girl to stay in dorms, first girl to manage business like a boy in the house, first girl to fight against dowry, first girl to burn her dads body by herself list goes on,first girl to be vicepresident of my dads organisation…fighting everyday for things we believe in and hopefully bring some change someday..I do get tired fighting and I wonder then how women in villages in India are struggling with all these social evils..hopefully all of us educated women can someday change their lives too fighting for them lending voice for them,..
it is not only in India though..
look at cango, darful africa where women are getting raped, killed, arms cut, suffering in the hands of men..look at women in muslim countries suffering under burkah with no freedom still young children getting married to older men who already have 10 wives..where is justice..
lots of battles to fight..hopefully lot of new beginnings for a new changed world..
Prakruti: sympathies. You’ve clearly been through a difficult time because of this tendency in our society to unquestioningly follow old traditions without looking at more important things like basic humanity - and to think of culture as some sort of “constant” that mustn’t be susceptible to any changes. Despite having led a fairly protected life in this regard (being from a very liberal background, and having had a lot of freedom etc) I hear stories like these all the time, and often thank my lucky stars that I wasn’t born a girl in a conservative household. Quite unfortunate that it has to be that way.
Prakruti, we live in a country where women are fairly well-educated too. Even then a majority of us tend to keep silent when our parents start making a list of things that have to be given for wedding. I know I’m guilty because I’ve made a few noises about why my parents planned an ellaborate wedding but kept quiet believing that my parents did it because that’s what they wanted to do all their lives. Even my mother gave me banal statements like, “This is the done thing. After all, that’s what we’ve been saving for. this is not dowry, not when we’re giving things without being pressurised.” My parents sold a plot of land (worth at least Rs 70 lakh, if not more) for my wedding which didn’t even survive eventually. It was when I began calculating some of the “actuals” (it’s part of the divorce task) that I realised what fools my parents had been. Of the total of Rs 15 lakh spent on the lavish wedding, barely Rs 2 lakh was actually spent on me. The rest was nothing but a grand reception where relatives (who never let my mother forget that she had a divorced daughter at home) and friends (who eventually stood by me) came, ate and left.
I remarried recently and though I wanted to hold a small “ceremony”, in retrospect I feel so glad that my husband insisted on a court marriage where all we did was sign a few documents and left. I’m very very happy that it worked that way because any sort of ceremony in India eventually involves some aspect of “give” and “take”.
Hats off to you for speaking your mind in an India where despite knowing everything, even professional, thinking women like me refuse to argue with parents about illogical ceremonies which involve so much money. Sadly, It’s become part of my own way of thinking. It takes courage to lead a life where you call the shots. Congratulations.
thank u for ur kind words Another Anonymous..yes sister, it takes a lot of courage to fight and glad I can lead a life of freedom and respect where I can call the shots..The battle wasnt easy either…I had my dad at his death bed refusing to talk to me because of that..and me crying inside wanting to have last pleasant’s conversations with my dad…it was not easy…finally the last week before he died he talked…I dont know if he forgave me but that moment it looked like he accepted my choice and respected me for it or probably he was in too much pain because of his leukemia that he gave up on that issue of my life..I pray my dad forgave me in his heart where ever he is today as he knows and I know we didnot do anything wrong..
it was the right decision..
Jabberwock - thank u for ur support too..actually my family was not conservative…my dad in 1970’s married my mom with no dowry..it was love marriage and they had a 5 rupee registered marriage..my brother in law didnot ask for dowry and married my sis without dowry..and my entire family including my mom everyone is well educated and are all postgraduates with liberal views compared to others..It is the circumstances that made them conservative those two years..my dad was in his deathbed wanting to see his daughter get married no matter what even if it is at the cost of his own ideals even if he hated dowry..my mom knew she cannot arrange for my wedding without my dad and wanted me to marry anyone when my dad was alive..my sis and brother in law had different reasons..they were a lil conservative bec. no one in my family ever had a broken engagement or marriage , so they felt that I brought shame to entire family by breaking my engagement just for dowry..It was the social system they were afraid of I guess..scared of what people will say..
Another Anonomous -sad to hear that ur parents spent 70 lakhs on a wedding that did not even last..see if ur parents and u refused to pay that much for a wedding , if the guy backed out of wedding just because of that..u would know the guy and his family is marrying u for money or are they truly interested in u sans money..and glad ur second wedding was a registered marriage..and Iam glad ur hubby agreed to that..shows he truly loves u and not the wedding glitter..
jabberwock- glad that u are a guy..enjoy ur life..it isnt all that easy being an indian girl..Being a girl comes with all this expectations.. people expect dowry, expect girls parents to pay cost of marriage, people expect girls to compromise always..ofcourse u are expected to keep quiet, know cooking, cleaning, expected to take care of inlaws and everyone, expected to bring gifts from ur parents home everytime u come, expected to treat soninlaw specially…so it isnt all that easy to live with all these expectations with which the world looks at u everyday..
Anonymous - dont feel bad that u didnot fight then..u can still fight for all ur fellow sisters..even guys u all can join the fight even if doesnot affect u personally..spread the word, support girls who fight against dowry..make sure ur sisters dont give dowry to get married..help other helpless women in villages in India or Darfur , cango africa whereever injustices are through unhcr/unhcf..support women who are fighting against dowry and all social eveils…there are so many battles to fight..If our generations fight our girlchildren will have better future..And there is hope too there are definetely guys like my father, my brother in law or ur hubby around who will not take dowry..and lets all girls stick to marrying only guys who share half the cost of marriage, who dont accept dowry no matter how ever long we have to be single for that…one generation fights and makes the change and rest of generations will follow…lets be that generation to fight…
lets question traditions and redefine some rituals..
i bought kari last night and i could unglue myself until i had feasted on all 116 pages. i got exactly what i was hungry for,. a ray of hope and without painting it in candy floss. it was just so wonderfull how the scetches complete each sentence. KARI is one of those reads which i will not be able to get over anytime sooner. i know it has taught me something and somehow it has assimilated in me without presenting itself in itallics and quotaions. looking forward to the sequel while i sit on COREL to design a tee shirt with kari’s face on the chest print! as for the feminism i really don know why i did not sense it. the book is a warm eventhough the colors used were dark. the writing is natural and so i my adoration for the writer…i will stand in a really long line to get my KARI autographed.