Attention Bollywood screenwriters:

• Most black people do not have stripper names like ‘Silver’
• Engineering students do not usually run around in sideways baseball caps and chains with giant pendants
• If anyone translated Paresh Rawal’s frothing dialogue (’ugly, dark-faced animals,’ ‘I need something black for auspiciousness, so bring your black friend in’ — the latter is supposed to be reconciliation!) within five miles of Harlem, there would be a riot

Fer chrissakes, people, what century do you think this is? I guess it’s progress when black characters in Bollywood are upgraded from metal-eating chained henchmen to porn star-named, rap medallion-wearing engineers, and the racist character is rebuked on screen. But until India becomes wealthier and an immigrant destination, it’s going to feel as naïve, racist and insular as Japan in many ways still is.

Here’s a synopsis of Hattrick, which is like Fever Pitch for cricket.