Being Punjabi, living in Bombay, working with customers in the U.S., I’ve figured out how to never work a day in my life. Here’s the secret:

Celebrate every holiday.

All of them. Take every U.S., Indian, Hindu, Punjabi and Maharashtran holiday and merge them until your Outlook become as sea of beautiful, striped off days.

Thanksgiving? Check. Diwali? Check. Random Maharashtra dry days? Check.

Those are the easy ones, young padwan, but there’s much you must yet learn. Sure, everybody celebrates Navratri, but what about Rama’s birthday? Rama Navami, check.

You’re Punjabi? Holi is huge in Delhi. Living in Bombay? Ganesh Chaturthi and Gudi Padwa, which is something about a pitcher overturned on a pole with a silk cloth tied to it. I’m a little fuzzy on the details, but it’s a state holiday, which can’t be bad. Gudi Padwa zindabad!

It was just the vernal equinox? Surely you’ve got Parsi friends. Happy Navroz, y’all.

You need that when? Sorry, bud, it’s the Super Bowl. It’s an American thing, you wouldn’t understand.