Growing a spine
When I moved into my current apartment, the landlord threw in use of a bed frame for free. She’d used it as a prop in showing the apartment. What she didn’t mention was that the bed with the fancy IKEA headboard was missing its spine.
The bed started out like this, with two ladders of slats unsupported in the middle:
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I screwed together the headboard and its slatty friends and asked the landlord about the missing spine. ‘Look around the apartment,’ she suggested helpfully. The forlorn spine was nowhere to be found. This was a bed fit for Congressional Democrats.
I bought a long piece of lumber from Home Depot, asked the super for a freelance cut (he gives good bandsaw) and drilled it in place:
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But the spine was unsupported in the middle. It bent under pressure like Mitt Romney. Sideways, it looked like this:
Several weeks of procrastination and back twinge later, I came up with the insightful, brilliant and totally non-obvious plan of propping up the center. (Don’t blame me. I was EE, not MechE).
The way I was raised, letting books touch the floor is taboo. So I fudged it. I took only the books I care little for and slipped them beneath the spine one by one:
And I’ve slept well ever since. My conscience is clear. Q&A and One Night at the Call Center, it’s the only thing you’ll ever be good for.
I used to think I supported desi lit. Now I know that desi lit supports me.
on Tuesday, October 9th, 2007, 2:56 am in Humor, Literature, Musings › 
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I bought Five Point Someone a year ago and read about twenty pages; it’s possibly the worst book that I have ever bought. I would gladly ship it to you if your cot requires additional support. OK, what are the other titles that hit the floor?
That’s a long list– I could support the whole thing head to toe :) Just off the top of my head, books I abandoned because long passages force me to peer through the keyhole mind of a religious conservative: Brick Lane, Maps for Lost Lovers. Book I regretted reading all the way through because of its crap Bollywood sensibility: The Kite Runner. Book I abandoned for constricted writing and general lack of motion: The Alchemy of Desire. Books I liked, by good writers, which nonetheless move too slowly: A House for Mr. Biswas, The In-Between World of Vikram Lall.
On the flip side, writers whom I adore unreservedly: Rushdie, Chandra, Ondaatje, Roy, Pankaj Mishra…
:)
Back support is just an excuse - really you have books on the floor, right under your bed, because it’s KINKY. Just like Catholics like to play “forgive me Father” and “naughty schoolgirl,” you and some Mallu are gonna go nuts in that bed.
Should you need any more propping, my copy of Ranj Dhaliwal’s Daaku is yours for the taking.
this gives a new meaning to putting authors in their place
Neha, send it over. I’ll keep it on the down low. If they ask for a blurb I’ll say I’m sleeping on it.
Thanks for the list of potential hazards Manish; I think I’m the only Desi who didn’t mind Brick Lane.
Just curious, have you tried Rohinton Mistry?
I read Family Matters. Felt claustrophobic and slow, I like more energy either in language or plot.
I know what you mean about Family Matters but please try Tales from Firozsha Baag before you give up on him. His writing contains so much realism that sometimes it’s depressing. But to me, his characters appear equally real and are thus very easy to empathize with.
Cool, thanks for the pointer. (The last time someone asked me to try another before giving up, I read Pamuk’s Snow after My Name is Red. Didn’t help in that case :) )