Hazaar f-d
Entry From Backside Only, a new book available only in India and Singapore, chronicles all the petit morts of Indian English:
A driver, when asked what he does, may refer to his occupation as “drivery…” Housemaids on their way to buy vegetables tell their employers they are going “marketing…” A government official urged farmers in Rajasthan to grow “herbs in their backsides…” In railway offices, a standard opening line in correspondence is: “Dear Sir, with reference to your above see my below…” One call centre executive in Bombay said a new recruit wrote an email that began: “I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.”
A glossary…
Teachress - a female teacher
How often do you take sex? - question from doctor to patient
Pritam Singh has left for his heavenly above - a death notice
Hue and Cry notice - title of police missing person newspaper advertisement [Link]
A railways complaint is a particularly choice quote from our brethren:
‘Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform…’ [Link]
The complainant sounds like a real shocking.
on Sunday, September 16th, 2007, 9:55 am in Humor, Musings › 
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This is not correct. I havent ever heard such massive abuse of english…and i have lived in India for a while. Some of these are more of urban legends passed on in innumerable forwarded emails. But generalising this stuff as indian english is ..not so comforting.
Not unique to India. The only gay bar (many years ago) in C’ville VA had a sign posted on the stairway in front of the building that said “Entry through Rear” or “Parking in Rear” or something like that.
Having said that, many years ago, one of the significant way points on our many trips in Kerala from TVM to PKD was the “Anus Bakery” somewhere north of EKM. Sadly they renamed it. Anu must have sold it or been shamed into changing the name.
Kindly alight from right only
I kinda’ agree with AmreekanDesi. While i have seen stuff like “wanton” for “wonton” etc etc., this one really is stretching it a bit too far! and yes, its not unique to desi English!
Wanton House!
It’s not just fabricated stories… I have firsthand experience from living in Kerala for 3 years, studying at an English-medium school. One of my favorites was a teacher who, in frustration, asked a student why his parents bothered sending him to school. His answer: “Teacher, my parents want to study me.”
Back in high school, our math teacher mr Aggarwal used to say - “Open the windows. Let the air force come in“.
(Well actually he didnt…but this always worked to get a few good laughs.)
He he he..exaggerated but fun !
The Urban legends we had about our teachers were:
“Open the doors of the windows and let the climate of the atmosphere come in ” and
“Be quiet - the prinicpal is rotating the corridors” or
” Don’t understand the tree - go and sit in the class”
“Both of you sit alone together and rad aloud silently”
Manish,
The lota incident is supposed to be from a letter from an irate traveler in British times - probably apocryphal
From an actual email I received:
“The droppings will be in the backside of tower 8.”
- meaning : The cabs will pick up and drop people off behind tower 8
And my favorite is that every hairstylist owns a “saloon” instead of a “salon.” :D
some of these seem far out, but from what I’ve seen and heard… it isn’t impossible.