Thursday, February 14

Hit me baby one more time

If you believe these Indian remarriage agency ads, most divorcees are attractive and in their 20s, and the main hurdle is social disapproval:

He runs a matrimonial agency for men and women seeking to marry again… To get away from clucking tongues and wagging fingers, a divorced man, as Mr. Raina put it, “just has to change his house. From East Delhi to South Delhi, he is a new person…” Raina says he is not interested in details. “If I hear their stories it will take two days,” he said. “I write ‘incompatibility.’ ” … an unusual candidate… had never before been married but was considered too old to find a husband the conventional way: “She has opted for a divorcé. She is ‘68 born. Hardly get any unmarried boy…”

Inderbir Singh, 35, stopped being invited to outings with friends after his divorce 15 months ago. If a business associate asks about his family and he confesses to being divorced, the conversation enters an awkward silence. [Link]

Hoarding

11 comments

  1. 1khoofia wants to know

    why manish “ultrabrown” veezh is spending upteen hours making valentines for a human cockatoo.
    why? whither Padma , O Pajamaadeen?

    Mysterious pajamahadeen, muscular yet partial to velvet, seeks wheatish girl for soulful rocketblogging sessions. Must be fluent in Unix, C++, Perl, DHTML and more. Lissome, long-haired, and bra must match panties at all times. Jewel-toned clothing preferred. Implanted microchips a plus. Come let your airport meet my wifi, as I bathe you in rosewater…my Padma.

  2. 2manish

    What the… how did you even remember that? That’s the best valentine I’ve gotten all day.

  3. 3meenakshi

    Damn!! Desis never lay off the wedding bit…you can be divorced and they still do be harassing! Craziness!!

  4. 4prakruti

    I think specially in India, in conservative families there is huge social disapproval..
    take my own family…there are no divorces in my family last 100 years so far..and I dont think we girls even have an option of that however bad the hubby is…one of my cousin lost her life but never got support from anyone..
    when I broke my engagement because guys family demanded diamonds , dowry and wanted my dying dad to split property and all that my own family didnot support me..my dying dad was ready to give them everything and get me married off..my sis and brother in law thought I brought shame to family and should compromise..and it was not like I was going out with the guy, it was an arranged marriage on my fathers deathbed where I met the guy for 15 minutes and had to say yes..my brother in law didnot talk to me for 2 years until recently..
    I just couldnot even figure out what I did wrong..I thought the guys family didnot care or love me but wanted money and dowry more than me..
    man if I get married and hubby turns out bad… they would rather kill me than let me get divorced..
    It took my family 2 years to forgive me though they knew what guys family was doing was wrong..so I totally understand..
    I dont think society should treat them as they did wrong..marriage didnot work out thats all..
    they should be respected just as anyone else…
    but u see indian society looks down on even unmarried girls or boys too…like people ask me why Iam not married..why Iam choosy…they think I am sinning not agreeing to marry…
    And indian society doesnot treat girls well too..look at what all girls parents have to go through to fix girls marriages..guys parents and families do so much nakhra though the girl and guy might be equally educated and doing equally good jobs..men are treated as special and act as if they are at a higher level..
    my parents often felt bad bec. they are girls parents…guys side families used to make us feel that way as if we are at lower level than them..
    so where is equality yaar…
    so many people not treated right in indian society…
    but then I have to admit
    Iam also not open to marry a divorcee and will never marry a divorcee..and since Iam never married I would only want a never married guy…reasons I cannot relate to divorcees or their experiences and personally I believe in loving someone forever until I die and dont mind compromising and adjusting how much ever I can to make marriage work…I had a girlfriend who was years younger to me, got married, went through divorce and I felt so innocent before her..I couldnot relate to all her experiences or emotional baggages…
    I had two of my american and indian girlfriends date divorcees and both came crying to me sharing their pains…one of them dated a guy with two kids..it was hard on her..
    I think people who are divorced can relate better to divorcees..
    Unmarried people can relate better to unmarried people as they have a innocent , fresh and different view about marriage and experiences..

  5. 5Rahul

    Oops, I did it again would probably be a great title when they launch thirdshaadi.com.

  6. 6Rahul

    From the NY Times article:

    Manju Singh, 56, came looking not so much for a husband but for a companion her age. “I need someone to talk to,” she said. “The evenings are lonely.”

    What, she hasn’t heard of Craigslist Casual Encounters?

  7. 7Runa

    she hasn’t heard of Craigslist Casual Encounters

    Careful, Rahul- you maybe old and lonely some day too.

    Actually, I have a lot of respect for those who are willing to give it another try .While I don’t advocate serial marriage a la Pam Anderson,it requires a lot of courage to put yourself out there again. Especially if you in your forties or older - it can’t be easy and Ms.Singh should be commended- not mocked.

  8. 8Rahul

    Especially if you in your forties or older - it can’t be easy and Ms.Singh should be commended- not mocked.

    I wasn’t mocking her, as much as generally snarking. I realize it can’t be easy for her, and certainly not in India, so more power to her.

  9. 9Runa

    so more power to her

    Glad you feel that way

  10. 10VV Varaiya

    An interesting statistic I read was that (google bears this out) interracial marriages have a higher incidence of divorce. Which may be meaningless for Indians considering the external forces to stay married.

    Anecdotally I’ve observed Indians who divorce in an interracial marriage usually marry Indians. This especially true in the older folks of my parents generation 60’s.

  11. 11Darth Paul

    VV Varaiya,
    What race, then, are “Indians”? Certainly not a race unto themselves!


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