Patriot games
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The Niners: all about the nnumerologgy |
After weeks of being surrounded by people in ostentatious Patriots jerseys and Southie accents, I’ve finally decoded our national obsession with football. And it’s related to why Americans find cricket so tedious. It’s about prosthetics.
Donning helmet and shoulder pads lets steroid-inflated men inflict immense violence for our entertainment without the injuries of actual shock and awe. The pads encourage risk-taking, just like bike helmets encourage drivers to be reckless. In baseball, leather mitts let outfielders catch fence-jumpers with a single hand, which looks more impressive than cricket’s two-fisted arrests.
The prosthetics of football lend great gloss to the game. It’s no accident they idealize the male form by enlarging the shoulders and slimming the hips. But they’re expensive as well, and that makes it more difficult for poorer countries to afford.
Football, baseball and cricket — unlike soccer — are centered around short, structured bursts of action. Because they regularly reset to a known configuration, the athletes can run highly technical formations and plays. But unlike the bat sports, in football the thrower and catcher are on the same team, so they can grace fans with spectacular ballwork.
And, of course, football games are relatively short. What is Twenty20 but an admission a full test is only appropriate for nations where time is more abundant than money?
Please note that this brilliant analysis is inarguably correct, and completely unaffected by growing up here-not-there, having nothing to contribute at Bombay parties about the cricket team in the ’80s 
The prosthetics trend will only continue. You see it with quidditch in Harry Potter: surely flying broomsticks are out of the reach of less-developed Muggle countries. I expect we’ll all be watching futureball played with carbon fiber atlatls, jetpacks and mitts made of aerogel. It’ll soften the pathos of watching grown men waste their lives obsessing over absorption stats on the holoset.
on Friday, February 1st, 2008, 9:22 pm in Cricket, Sports › 
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If Americans find cricket to be tedious, then they should also find baseball to be tedious. That doesn’t seem to be true. I wonder why.
“two fisted arrests”
Goodness. Someone show this guy an actual game. Most great catches are one handed, because it is easier to stretch farther in one direction that way.
Only goes to proves Baseball is for wusses. I mean seriously - running around with a giant glove? Why stop there… get a sack instead - more guarantees that way. And while you’re at it, wear a Mickey Mouse costume with a giant head - more effective than helmets.
Whacking at a ball in the air is for toddlers - happens in ‘galli’ (lane) cricket in every city in India, all the time. The only requirement is a 3 year limit on having graduated from pacifiers. That’s the one prosthetic american sports really needs.
Arena football is an admission to the fact that football players are not tough enough to run around in a big field and throw the ball far. :D
prove, not proves.
and Twenty20 is a nod to american style superficiality, i agree. less time for engagement, more time drunk.
so, “growing up here-or-there” may matter. only if one thinks more(money, prosthetics, flash) =quality.
less is more, dude.
also,
pinstripes. oooooh, so slimming for steroid-fed potbellies.
http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2007/05/alfonseca.jpg
even the video game has it
http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/757/757945p1.html
sorry manish, in your last post about this, too many critics seemed bent on arguing logically :)
just to show how much my goat has been gotten, and feathers ruffled, for two posts comparing oranges to orangina,
and while the gist of your argument hinges on prosthetics…
USA: united silicone assets
more money+more prosthetics=even better than the real, un-bought things?
really?
“inarguably correct”, if pam anderson is more beautiful than audrey hepburn. why, she has more of everything.
what an argument.
I dont understand the game at all, but last year all my guy collegues at insisted I had to watch the game semifinals and finals since Indianapolis colts are there in the game..First foot ball match I watched was colts semifinals..I didnot understand the game but as colts won I got hooked on.. I watched finals though I didnot understand the game and screamed with everyone in my building as colts won..
this year I have no interest in the game since colts lost..
I later realised after analysing my collegues wearing blue colts T shirts for every game through out the year, buying those helmets from ebay and putting those in their cubicles..it got to do with a strange patriotic spirit and kinship they feel for teams of their city..it is like a cult..whether they like the game or not even ladies wore shirts, they partied, it was something that brought people together to party have fun and enjoy the game together..
recently I asked a collegue who told me that he is sad because football season is ending with superball and he will miss it the rest of the year..I asked him why he is so passionate about the game..He said it is tradition..him playing the game when he was a kid, then his family watching games together, then with friends, now with his wife and friends..it is like a party every game lifting everyone up like a festival..it has a lot to do with kinship and memories associated with the game I guess..most of soccer moms in my group also feel the same thing though they dont like the game that much, they go for their sons games and got used to watching sports as a family affair rather than watching a chik flick which they enjoy better but game still is no#1 priority..
I watched mathew mcconaughty movie ” we are marshall” and realised it is small town pride, small city pride and why people support teams , are crazy about football matches or games…
I want some of what you have been smoking!
Don’t tell anyone, but my grocer hooks me up with Lipton black.
Is the game a violent soup of blind nationalism, racial tension and religious intensity packaged as organized mayhem, is that the lure?
Some excerpts